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This is a parable of a helpless queen. Let’s call her The Snow Queen, for it may seem fitting to call her that. Of course Snow lived in a castle; she is a queen and like any queen needing the security of a castle. She lived in a nice castle, filled with all the things that made it a great castle, a protective, warm castle. Though no wind could ever penetrate the castle, it still felt drafty, cold at times. Snow was a smart queen, having carefully selected the exactly right King to share her castle Snow and her King, were of the same status, creating the perfect royal couple, complementing each other in all the ways that would make life good; wonderful. Everyone said so. She could see it in the pictures of them. Yet, some cold radiated through her from someplace; perhaps, from her mind or her heart.
Often she would find herself looking out from the safest, highest turret of her castle, so safe it felt like a church...or sometimes a prison.. That feeling would grip her when she gazed out over the Forest of Discretion into a clearing, a beckoning clearing, so beckoning she dubbed it “Shitsurakuen”, the lost paradise. The decree could only be heard in her head, resounding with a lonely echo of promise. In the center of this clearing was a pond with an island that she dubbed Gokurakuin, Happy Ending, for she was sure that if she ever could get to that island, she would find happiness that would end the coldness she felt.
Atop the hill that was the island set a small cabin; something like a Zen Cabin. It always radiated beckoning warmth, even at times when no warm yellow light spilled out of the windows. Inhabiting this man was a Buddha like man (at least in body type) named コンラッド . She had met him briefly and he had offered her hospitality so compelling in the way it promised to quell her need. At first she wanted this , then became fearful that her desire for for what he could give her, his warmth would threaten her relationship with the King and the safety and protection of her castle. Even though コンラッド had assured her he would never let that happen. Still her fear for the comfort and safety of the castle caused her to stop all communications with コンラッド. When コンラッドnoted her need, she tried to convince him and herself that she had never requested help. Still there had been that day after a chance meeting on cold, cold day, and the note on her personal stationaryand….
Nevermind. She pushed the memory out of her mind. Wouldn’t do for the Queen of Snow to need….
She had passed him often before the chance meeting in the coldest off the cold of winter. Several times as she walked through the Forest of Discretion, she passed him as he sat, Buddha like, in a primitive chair along the path engaged in some matter of great concentration. The first time she saw him, she was a ways away, but his concentration called her attention like a crystal bell. Seemed she would pass without him noticing her, but Just before she would pass without note he looked up, causing her to feel a small happiness that drew a smile from her. Her smile drew a smile from him.
Later the one time they met in a planned way, he would tell her he sensed her before she was upon them. He said he knew they would get to know each other and their would be something meaningful in the way they would know each other. She could not deny it, but she was very nervous about being with him in public made her very nervous. What if someone in the kingdom would see her with this man who was not the king. Would they see the attraction she felt for him. Soon after that he suggested that they meet at his place where he could cook for her and treat her to pampering care. The idea appealed to her.
Often she would wake mornings and find herself laying beside him in his bed in the Zen cabin or in his room of cushions on a Persian rug of a Sun-Moon face, beside a Tantric shrine, set under a mandala of diamonds. Always his hands, lips and tongue were on her body, caressing her, exuding love and bliss that brought her warm joy. His touch radiated such protective, care and warmth, that it filled her with a feeling of goodness. Then she would come to full wakefulness to find him gone and she was in her castle. Though the residual warmth of his touch would chase away the chill of the castle at least for a while; but for a while was never long enough. She wanted to go to him in the waking reality, but it was hard and she struggled against the fear that seeing him might threaten the comfortable, yet chilly, sense of her castle and she cut off communication in the waking world, even denying the interest she once felt. Still, she found herself with him in that other world, the pre-waking world.
In recent time she would look down at clearing, wondering when the pond surrounding the island had appeared. She couldn’t remember it always being there. Had she mandated it to be built? Possibly, though she didn’t exactly remember how. However, when she banished him from her audience, perhaps that had something to do with the creation of the pond. Often, she would wonder if there was some way she could safely cross the pond, though she really knew. She knew she need only communicate. If she were to ask コンラッド, he would build her a bridge, or come in a boat. She was a queen and not shy. Everyday she spoke to her minions and directed their activities.
Her times with コンラッド became fewer and fewer. She would wake some mornings, realizing that the night had passed and he had not come for her taken her back to his place. This left her with a feeling of sadness which when she thought about it she would convince herself was really relief. Still she could see evidence of コンラッド in a world that was neither pre-waking nor material. beckoning evidence of man who wanted to warm her. chase away her need. And there she found evidence that he knew she came to that place to look for his evidence, though she would not communicated directly to him. She would look out her castle window to discover that the warmth was waning at times.
What stopped her from going? She knew she could visit the island, find happiness and return to the castle. She knew she could visit anytime the castle got too chilly and return to the castle passing unseen through the Forest of Discretion. She also knew that eventually, the island would slip beneath the surface of the pond and she would no longer be able to go to it. However, an unseen Sentinel had been set to prevent her from going to the island. One day she saw the Sentinel. She was looking in the mirror. She asked herself, “what should I do?” .
Often she would find herself looking out from the safest, highest turret of her castle, so safe it felt like a church...or sometimes a prison.. That feeling would grip her when she gazed out over the Forest of Discretion into a clearing, a beckoning clearing, so beckoning she dubbed it “Shitsurakuen”, the lost paradise. The decree could only be heard in her head, resounding with a lonely echo of promise. In the center of this clearing was a pond with an island that she dubbed Gokurakuin, Happy Ending, for she was sure that if she ever could get to that island, she would find happiness that would end the coldness she felt.
Atop the hill that was the island set a small cabin; something like a Zen Cabin. It always radiated beckoning warmth, even at times when no warm yellow light spilled out of the windows. Inhabiting this man was a Buddha like man (at least in body type) named コンラッド . She had met him briefly and he had offered her hospitality so compelling in the way it promised to quell her need. At first she wanted this , then became fearful that her desire for for what he could give her, his warmth would threaten her relationship with the King and the safety and protection of her castle. Even though コンラッド had assured her he would never let that happen. Still her fear for the comfort and safety of the castle caused her to stop all communications with コンラッド. When コンラッドnoted her need, she tried to convince him and herself that she had never requested help. Still there had been that day after a chance meeting on cold, cold day, and the note on her personal stationaryand….
Nevermind. She pushed the memory out of her mind. Wouldn’t do for the Queen of Snow to need….
She had passed him often before the chance meeting in the coldest off the cold of winter. Several times as she walked through the Forest of Discretion, she passed him as he sat, Buddha like, in a primitive chair along the path engaged in some matter of great concentration. The first time she saw him, she was a ways away, but his concentration called her attention like a crystal bell. Seemed she would pass without him noticing her, but Just before she would pass without note he looked up, causing her to feel a small happiness that drew a smile from her. Her smile drew a smile from him.
Later the one time they met in a planned way, he would tell her he sensed her before she was upon them. He said he knew they would get to know each other and their would be something meaningful in the way they would know each other. She could not deny it, but she was very nervous about being with him in public made her very nervous. What if someone in the kingdom would see her with this man who was not the king. Would they see the attraction she felt for him. Soon after that he suggested that they meet at his place where he could cook for her and treat her to pampering care. The idea appealed to her.
Often she would wake mornings and find herself laying beside him in his bed in the Zen cabin or in his room of cushions on a Persian rug of a Sun-Moon face, beside a Tantric shrine, set under a mandala of diamonds. Always his hands, lips and tongue were on her body, caressing her, exuding love and bliss that brought her warm joy. His touch radiated such protective, care and warmth, that it filled her with a feeling of goodness. Then she would come to full wakefulness to find him gone and she was in her castle. Though the residual warmth of his touch would chase away the chill of the castle at least for a while; but for a while was never long enough. She wanted to go to him in the waking reality, but it was hard and she struggled against the fear that seeing him might threaten the comfortable, yet chilly, sense of her castle and she cut off communication in the waking world, even denying the interest she once felt. Still, she found herself with him in that other world, the pre-waking world.
In recent time she would look down at clearing, wondering when the pond surrounding the island had appeared. She couldn’t remember it always being there. Had she mandated it to be built? Possibly, though she didn’t exactly remember how. However, when she banished him from her audience, perhaps that had something to do with the creation of the pond. Often, she would wonder if there was some way she could safely cross the pond, though she really knew. She knew she need only communicate. If she were to ask コンラッド, he would build her a bridge, or come in a boat. She was a queen and not shy. Everyday she spoke to her minions and directed their activities.
Her times with コンラッド became fewer and fewer. She would wake some mornings, realizing that the night had passed and he had not come for her taken her back to his place. This left her with a feeling of sadness which when she thought about it she would convince herself was really relief. Still she could see evidence of コンラッド in a world that was neither pre-waking nor material. beckoning evidence of man who wanted to warm her. chase away her need. And there she found evidence that he knew she came to that place to look for his evidence, though she would not communicated directly to him. She would look out her castle window to discover that the warmth was waning at times.
What stopped her from going? She knew she could visit the island, find happiness and return to the castle. She knew she could visit anytime the castle got too chilly and return to the castle passing unseen through the Forest of Discretion. She also knew that eventually, the island would slip beneath the surface of the pond and she would no longer be able to go to it. However, an unseen Sentinel had been set to prevent her from going to the island. One day she saw the Sentinel. She was looking in the mirror. She asked herself, “what should I do?” .